We need to stop demanding compensation
27 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in The Big Picture Tags: blunder, children, compensation, courts, criticism, food for thought, frustration, law, law suits, real life, stupidity
Compensation for a wrong done to you is a tricky issue. When someone was careless and you now have to deal with debilitating consequences, of course the person who wronged you should be required to help you cope. Money is the easiest way to quantify this help, and hand it over.
The thing is, compensation has become ridiculous. People get rich from being able to blame someone else for an accident. I linked to this article for another post, on Train Window, but it sparked thought on this separate issue. The parents of a child who died after being treated at a hospital were paid money to compensate them for their loss (though in fairness, the sum is not disclosed). Why? I would agree to their legal costs being covered, but why throw money at the couple themselves? What purpose does this serve?
What happens when we make people pay vast sums for their mistakes, is that they stop thinking of how to best do their job and start thinking of how best to avoid being sued. The effect is that people are not doing their jobs the best they can any more. If a doctor has to choose between treatment A and treatment B, she will not choose the one she feels instinctively is the best, she will choose the one least likely to get her sued. Or more accurately, she will rather order a test she knows in her heart is unnecessary than take the chance of not ordering the test and later being saddled with a massive financial burden because out of the dozens of decisions she made that day, that single one was wrong. Every unnecessary test costs money, and someone has to pay. That someone is you.
Whether through higher taxes to fund state-sponsored medical care or soaring premiums for health insurance, you pay for someone else’s multi-million payout. In addition, we’re subjected to scores of wasted tests and treatments which doctors apply to cover themselves, just in case. Sadly, these precautions are sometimes downright bad for you, but vital to protect the doctor in case you decide to drag them to court. Children are deprived of experiences which can enhance their lives, spark ideas, raise their performance and physically make their brains grow, because the teachers have to think first of the worst case scenario, not of what’s best for the children in their care. One child can fall and break a leg on a playground, get a massive settlement in court, and literally millions of children pay the price when they are deprived of yet another experience.
But compensation is there for a reason. We can’t just take it away, because then we go back to a place where people could do what they liked with impunity. What if we change it? What if instead of giving someone a mass of money, we give them the power to monitor changes implemented to make things better? You can meet with a panel of specialists and hear what they explain the problem was, what they decide is the best way to address the issue, then receive monthly reports on what has been done to change things so fewer people have to experience what you experienced. What if the person who messed up only has to pay the bill for counselling, directly, with receipts provided?
It just seems to me to defeat the purpose, when an institution which, say, didn’t have enough staff and therefore didn’t take good enough care of you now has to pay you x amount. Doesn’t that make it even more difficult for them to employ more staff? I think it’s insane, and needs to change.
I highly, highly recommend this TED talk for more thought on the issue.
Dear Teacher. Don’t be a pig.
26 Jan 2012 2 Comments
in Children, Life 'n stuff Tags: attitudes, criticism, food for thought, frustration, human nature, kids, real life, school, teachers
Childhood is, technically, an apprenticeship for adulthood. School, while it in reality falls woefully short of this ideal, should be an extension of the parents’ efforts to teach their children how to be adults. The majority of the teachers Micky and I have entrusted the kids to over the years, have been excellent role models. Unfortunately, he and I both as pupils ourselves long ago and as parents now have encountered adults working in schools who, if I had a choice, I would never let anywhere near my children.
What these people do can be summed up like this: they treat the kids with contempt. They seem to think of the pupils in their care as the enemy, and they act accordingly. It’s one of the things I have been singing hallelujah about where O’Fiaich College is concerned: the general atmosphere there is one of mutual respect. Mutual. The kids do not rule there, the adults are in charge, but not in a ‘I’m boss, you’re scum’ way.
If you work with children, especially with teenagers, ask yourself this question everytime you interact with them: if this were a shopkeeper, my spouse, my parent, would I speak to them this way? I’m not talking about simpler language for younger minds, I’m talking about a tone of contempt. We are trying to teach kids how to live. You are teaching my child that if someone addresses them with scorn, they must bow and take it.
Shame on you.
Yes, of course this post is inspired by a real person, a real situation one of my children faces. I will not interfere, I will not make waves, but hell, I wish I had the power to demand this person doesn’t come anywhere near my daughter. Instead, I’ve told my girl it’s wrong of an adult to speak to her like that. She doesn’t have to confront this person, but if she makes sure that she fully absorbs and stands by the knowledge that what this person is doing is wrong, she will make a stand against it without saying a word.
And for those of you who say: “Oh, but it will teach her how to deal with nasty people as an adult,” no. Sorry. There are few if any situations ever in your adult life where you are obliged to accept conteptuous treatment from another person without some recourse, some security in standing up to them. Even in the workplace, bosses who get away with such behaviour are rare. It’s only at school where being an adult gives you a licence to act like an ass.
Ssssomebody stop me. No, really. Please. Stop me.
24 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Just for fun, Life 'n stuff Tags: blunder, dog, facepalm, funny, humour, i can't believe i just said that, lol, real life
Somewhere inside me, the female version of this guy lives:
Our dog, Adam is a real sissy. He’s almost a year old and still doesn’t lift his leg to pee. He’s a darling, of course, but he’s not macho. In other words, figuratively speaking, he has no balls. Because Mother Nature is a comedian, that is only true in a figurative sense. In the literal sense, Adam has ginormous balls. If those were figurative rather than literal, he would be the dog version of Chuck Norris.
Today, I took Adam with me when I went to the library, where he waited outside (tied of course) while I went in to drop off our books. When I came out, a couple of teen girls asked if they could pet him. He has that kind of face, you just want to hug him. So of course I said yes, they petted Adam, he nearly had conniptions of joy over the attention, and I told them his name.
“Oh my God, that is uncanny,” said one of the girls. “Did you hear that? His name is Adam.”
“Wow.”
I was curious, as you would be. “Why is his name so significant?”
“There’s this boy I like, and his name is Adam. We were just talking about him.”
“Ah,” I said. “Well, if your Adam is anything like mine, he’s a very nice chap.” Then that creature I referred to up there, the female version of Stanley Ipkiss’ mask alter ego, popped out, and added: “…with really big balls.”
Like I said. Please. Somebody. Stop me.
Slavery
24 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in The Big Picture Tags: abortion, fetus, morality, personhood, women's rights, zygote
I want to spell this out for you: I am anti abortion. I oppose the abuse of abortion. However, I am pro choice. I feel passionately that no woman should be forced to host a fetus in her body against her will. That is slavery. If a woman finds herself impregnated and that is not what she wants, she should be able to get a safe, legal abortion.
What is a slave? “A person who is the property of and wholly subject to another“. If a woman says: “I am not prepared to rent out my body and do the work of giving birth for this potential human in me,” and the response is: “Too bad,” then that woman is declared the property, the slave of the being in her uterus.
If the fetus could be removed and placed into another womb, or into an artificial womb, there would be no debate here. As it is, freeing the slave costs a life. Now the debate becomes hugely complicated. More
Forever
23 Jan 2012 2 Comments
in Relationship Tags: beauty, children, food for thought, love, music, This magical world
I have a love/hate relationship with this song, so it was annoying to have it stuck in my head last night. It’s one of those songs, like I believe I can fly, which has some snippet of a lyric in it which my brain gets stuck on.
The relevant irritation is: This love will last forever. Not unique, not by any means, love songs are littered with declarations that the feeling will never end. But can you really say that? The strongest of loves can only ever live as long as the people who carry them.
You can, actually. A deep, profound love will seldom if ever be confined to the main characters in that story. It spills over, touches other lives. Through that legacy, a love can indeed last forever, passed on from generation to generation.
Sing on, boys.
A killer as dangerous as smoking
22 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life 'n stuff, Relationship Tags: health risks, isolation, love, mortality, relationships
In the course of researching for another book I’m working on, I looked into the effects of isolation on the human being. This article takes a fascinating look at the mental effects of isolation on prisoners. It can cause permanent mental damage comparable to actual physical head trauma that directly damages the brain. What I found as amazing, though not surprising, was this:
Social isolation has been shown repeatedly to prospectively predict mortality and serious morbidity both in general population samples (2) and in individuals with established morbidity (3, 4), especially coronary heart disease (1). The magnitude of risk associated with social isolation is comparable with that of cigarette smoking and other major biomedical and psychosocial risk factors.
We need other people, but the beauty of it is that they also need us. It’s a complex, interesting, and most of all a beautiful balance.
Best gift ever
21 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Children Tags: children, good manners, happiness, love, pride
Yesterday I popped into a shop near my house. They know me there, as we go there often for odds and ends. Every Thursday morning, when we have ‘bad lunch day’ and abandon our usual healthy sandwiches and fruit in favour of some junk food, Nicholas and I go in there together in the morning to buy him a jambon, sausage rolls and such.
When I got to the counter, the till man’s face lit. “Your son is SUCH a gentleman,” he enthused.
I glowed, of course. Nicholas would have been there yesterday to spend his pocket money. “Which one, the small one or the tall one?”
He frowned. “I’m not sure I’ve met the tall one… oh, no, wait, I have. Well actually, they’re both gentlemen!”
Can anyone possibly ask for a better gift from your children? Thank you, boys. I love both of you so much.
Free Meditation Course
20 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in The Big Picture Tags: csilla toldy, free course, meditation, newry
Meditation is a simple practice that can have a wonderful effect on mental health. While it is deeply relaxing, it helps with boosting the immune system, to keep a healthy, positive attitude to face the challenges of everyday life.
In a five week course, offered free of charge, you can learn how to meditate for your own use, and how to pass it on to children. The project is supported by UnLtd. A manual and CD are published as course materials that you will receive to help you to keep up with the practice when the course is finished. All is required from you is an open mind and a commitment to attend the whole course.
The first block of 5 week courses will start on Wednesday 25th January 11.30-12.30 and will carry on until 22nd February 2012. The Venue is The Yoga Studio in Newry, 10 Abbey Yard Follow-on courses are planned.
Please respond to Csilla to book your place or to express future interest.
Phone 02841739124
csilla@yogastudioireland.com
Csilla Toldy is a writer and yoga instructor who has practiced meditation for twenty years. She worked as a classroom assistant at the Abbey Grammar School and lead workshops in the use of yoga and meditation in the classroom during Summer Schools organized by the Regional Training Unit in Belfast. The manual is the abridged version of her book “Meditations for Everyday”.
The enemy
19 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life 'n stuff Tags: law, ted talks, true, truth, valuable insight
“Self-consciousness is the enemy of accomplishment.” – Philip K. Howard in this talk.
Six months of breastmilk alone is too long and could harm babies, scientists now say
18 Jan 2012 2 Comments
in Children, The Big Picture, Word Games, Writing Tags: baby, breastfeeding, breastmilk, formula, infant, national recommendation uk, weaning
Most people read the headline and perhaps the first two paragraphs of news articles. Knowing that, and knowing journalists are well aware of this, I sometimes get really angry seeing the way they deliberately deceive people. They tell the story they know will cause the most sensation in the first part of the article, often leaving the truth to the last paragraph. Journalists routinely write in such a way as to knowingly, deliberately deceive and mislead people. I’m not sure if that’s the case again with the article in the Guardian bearing the title of this blog entry, but Sarah Boseley effectively does just that.
Reading one after the other article splashed all over the internet today, you get the impression scientists in general have discovered that it harms babies if they are exclusively breastfed for six months. The truth is a handful of scientists have said that the recommendation to breastfeed exclusively for six months wasn’t carried out the way they feel it should have been. They feel the sixteen studies showing infants exclusively breastfed for six months showed no growth problems and fewer health problems, were not sufficiently scrutinised before being accepted. There is new evidence that suggests maybe, MAYBE exclusive feeding exposes babies to a higher risk of iron deficiency and anaemia. The doctors also say possibly, POSSIBLY, later introduction of solids could lead to kids not accepting as wide a variety of foods into their diet as they really should. Reading and writing are my life, I notice those maybes and possiblys, but you wouldn’t guess in a million years from some of the crap written on this issue that those qualifiers were anywhere in the researchers’ minds.
This article gives a balanced, non-sensational report of the issue, and I strongly recommend to anyone interested in this issue that they read it from beginning to end. In no way, shape or form does it justify the OH, CHRIST, TEH SKY IS FALLING!!!!!!!1!!! attitude reflected here and here. The second one I linked to, a Telegraph article, takes the cake, though:
The national recommendation must now be changed in light of new evidence that suggests solid food has a health beneift [sic] for babies.
Words just fail me. Scientists’ job is to always question, always challenge. They would be useless if they didn’t. But the fact that they question something does not, at all, in any way shape or form, by itself discredit what they are questioning. Those responsible for the national recommendation ‘must’ do sweet bugger all else than look into this, and make sure they always stay open for solid, evidence-based reason to change their advice.
I’m increasingly alarmed by the deceptiveness of articles in newspapers on which we base our world view. I myself am nothing but a flawed human being, and I make mistakes, but what’s worrying is that there’s so much incentive for those who have the platform of national newspapers to deliberately put the most sensational spin on any issue, over and above any genuine mistakes they make. Journalists in many ways run the world, and that’s a frightening thought when you see something like this.
